


(when i said take me to the moon) i never meant take me alone

by nebulousviolet



Category: H.I.V.E. Series - Mark Walden
Genre: Drabble, Gen, casually furthering my black!shelby agenda, everyone thinks otto is dead and is sad, set post dreadnought but pre epilogue, working out my own grief through fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:41:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27109684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nebulousviolet/pseuds/nebulousviolet
Summary: “Nobody survives a crash like that,” Shelby says. “He told Raven and Wing he’d come back if he could. And he didn’t.” Her hands suddenly ball into fists.
Relationships: Lucia Sinistre | Lucy Dexter & Shelby Trinity
Comments: 6
Kudos: 5





	(when i said take me to the moon) i never meant take me alone

**Author's Note:**

> title from rat by penelope scott  
> we do be working out irl grief through fic. hope ur all having a much better week than i am lol

“Can I ask you something?” Lucy blurts out, because she isn’t sure how to be around the others now that Otto is gone, and she thinks maybe just saying it out loud will get it over with. Laura is still in a near-catatonic state of shock in her room - apparently she’s just conscious enough to hold off Nero’s efforts to send her to the infirmary for overnight observation, but not enough to want to talk to anybody. Wing had followed Raven somewhere that Lucy knew not to follow almost as soon as they’d gotten back to school. Franz and Nigel had retreated to the library, murmuring quietly among themselves, and now there is just Lucy and Shelby left in the atrium, Shelby pulling frustratedly at a loose thread on one of the couches. It’s not that bad, actually. Shelby’s an easy person to be around, even in the horrific circumstances, and maybe that’s why Lucy says it.

“Sure,” Shelby says, still ruining the couch. Unlike Laura, she hasn’t cried once - just stared stoically into space, occasionally making the odd comforting noise. As if she’s absorbing all of her emotional energy and saving it for later. “Better me than Laura, anyway.”   
“Do you believe in fate?” Lucy asks. “Predestination, or whatever?”   
  
Shelby pauses in her vandalism, and considers it. Somewhere, at the other end of the atrium, someone is playing piano. “I don’t know,” she says honestly, and meets Lucy’s gaze. Again, there’s no tears in her eyes. “I didn’t before. But then you get shot at a handful of times, and everyone’s waxing poetic about  _ Otto  _ and his  _ great purpose _ and you’re finding out from your best friend that you all keep having the  _ exact same nightmare,  _ and it’s not that clear cut anymore.” 

“You all have the same nightmare?” the question falls out of Lucy’s mouth before she can stop herself.

“It’s the end of the world,” Shelby says quietly, “and there’s a blinding red light, and then nothing. Just darkness. And you can’t wake up.” She loosens her ponytail, pulls her blonde cornrows over her shoulders like a blanket, and shivers. “Otto used to hear voices when he had it. He wouldn’t tell us what they said, but we could guess. I never heard anything, though. Maybe they’ll stop now.” Her head suddenly falls towards her chest. “Now that he’s dead.”   
  


“You don’t know that,” Lucy says.

“Nobody survives a crash like that,” Shelby says. “He told Raven and Wing he’d come back if he could. And he didn’t.” Her hands suddenly ball into fists. “What about you?”   
  
It takes Lucy a long second to realise that Shelby’s referring back to her question, and her stomach flips unpleasantly.

“I do,” Lucy admits. “But I - I don’t want to. I want to believe that I have a choice,” she swallows thickly. “It’s been difficult, lately.”

She hadn’t wanted to use the voice at all, and then she’d been forced to, the identity of  _ Lucy Dexter  _ cast off like a second skin and showing the raw ugliness of the Sinistre family underneath. She can’t forget the look on Shelby’s face when she used it.  _ Horror.  _ Brief, splintering horror, swiftly replaced by shock and relief, but horror nevertheless.  _ What if I’m the villain all along? What if losing Otto was all my fault? _

“Hey,” Shelby nudges her with her shoulders. “It’s okay. You’re allowed to be upset about it, too. What happened wasn’t exactly  _ nice _ , right? Nobody’s going to expect you to be fine just because you only knew him for a little while.”   
It’s a fear that Lucy has been too scared to voice aloud. The relief of hearing Shelby validate her feels crushing.

“What about you?” Lucy presses. “You shouldn’t have to hold it together for everyone else. You two seemed pretty close.”   
“Someone has to,” Shelby’s smile is brittle. “Wing’s more devastated than when his dad died. Laura can’t keep anything down, she’s that upset. Even  _ Raven’s  _ acting all funny, did you notice? She called me by my first name earlier today. She calls Otto and Wing by their first names, sure, but not  _ me _ ." She sighs shakily. "Laura stuck by me the whole time when we thought Wing was dead. Now it’s my turn to return the favour.”   
“It doesn’t work on an honour system,” Lucy says gently, ignoring the  _ when we thought Wing was dead  _ comment. “I’m sure they’ll agree with me once they’re feeling a little better.”   
“Maybe,” Shelby says. She doesn’t sound convinced.

When Lucy’s mother died, she didn’t feel anything for the longest time. She was numb all the way up until her flight landed in Italy - and then she began sobbing and just  _ couldn’t stop,  _ even as all of the other passengers stared at her. It had been as if she was asleep, and finally woken up.

Lucy thinks that Shelby might still be in that numb stage. She hopes Laura is well enough to comfort her when the sobbing starts.

“Well, I’m here for you,” Lucy offers. “If you want.”   
“Thanks,” Shelby says. She gives her a wan smile.

The school bell rings, and the moment is broken.


End file.
